Next Stop: Purple Hair!

Forgive me blogger, for I have sinned, it has been almost a month since my last post. It's been quite a busy and fun month and I got to 99 lbs lost! That's right, I was right on the cusp of my goal on Wed. November 24th. I would have hit the magic number on Thanksgiving BUT.... my husband had other plans and whisked me away for a night at a posh hotel and dinner out for his birthday. It was so much fun and I just went with it. Started with some wonderful Hess merlot, followed by dinner at a Thai restaurant where I ordered sake and then back to the hotel for a cocktail at the bar! It was so worth it, and so much fun, but yeah, I totally gained 3 lbs. that night. Then Thanksgiving and a cookie exchange happened, plus bloatiness and well, I was up a few more pounds.

This past week I've been really good about keeping moving but between holiday stuff, volunteering at the kids' schools and a big project at work I only got in one really serious workout day. Otherwise, I would consider it sort of maintenance level workouts. I have still been walking the dog every day and Molly and I still run even if it's 25 degrees out! But I only got in a bit of strength training due to time constraints. This made me really reluctant to get back on the scale. I was praying to just please, still be in the 120's - PLEASE! So I cowboyed up this morning and I'm at 127! Fantastic! I am really happy with that. That is within my comfort zone. So I just need to shed 4 lbs. to officially meet my 100 lb. goal. After that I will be really content with anything under 128. If I start creeping anywhere above that number the sirens will go off and I will seriously examine what I've been eating. But I feel like I can really exist here and maintain my weight loss.

I really do like working out now. It's not a chore, it's part of my life and I intend to keep it that way. After a few days of just getting in a dog walk and some ab work I feel really great when I can blow it out and get in a good, challenging workout. It makes me feel physically good and I also have that satisfaction that I accomplished something so meaningful on several levels. I have conquered whatever voices told me to just stay put and hey, there's so many other things to do, I am making sure I NEVER gain back the weight I've worked so hard to lose, and I am fighting off diseases related to obesity.

In related news I am in TWO magazines! WHAT? It's kind of absurd but, yes, I am featured in the January issue of Family Circle magazine and the Dec./Jan. issue of Best Self Atlanta. Both articles feature a number of inspiring weight loss and transformation stories.

So I'll be scheduling my purple hair for the week after Christmas, well, as long as my paycheck gets here in time! I am making sure I have some time this week to get in some good workouts and I don't have any events coming up that would cause me to overindulge. I will have dinner on Christmas Eve at the in laws but I know there will be fruit and veggies that I can eat and Christmas brunch will offer some scrambled eggs and fruit salad. Yes, there will be coffee cake too and I can have a nibble. I know I won't go crazy because I want the scale to remain my friend and not this intimidating contraption of doom in my bedroom!

OMG - 3 to Go!

I've been a totally remiss blogger. This month has been pretty crazy. At the beginning of the month I caught a cold plus got all bloaty and gained back 3 pounds. Ugh. I felt cruddy and got cranky at not being able to work out and lose the way I planned and started eating stuff I shouldn't. It was kind of hysterical that I won a FB sweepstakes and a company called Rain Tees sent me 3 bars of dark chocolate right then. I am really proud that I still have a few morsels left. I totally could have eaten all three bars that week. The upshot of all that behavior was that on Nov. 9th I was back up to 132.6 lbs. Crud.

Exercise:
That was motivation for me to turn it up this past week. I have been walking running and hitting the bike like nobody's business and have been wearing my heart monitor so I could track my calories burned. One day I burned over 1200 calories so I actually burned more than I consumed. I've been keeping it between 850 and 1100 calories burned per day. It was a lot at times but I want the weight loss more than I wanted to drag my tired ass off that stationary bike. I've been running with my friend Molly and both Tues. and Thursday neither of us was super excited about getting out there but both days we did it and boy, it felt so good to have gotten 4 miles accomplished by 9:30 in the morning! Of course, after Molly left, I threw myself on the bike for an hour!

Eating:
Today I am at 126.2 lbs. I have only 3 lbs. to go to my goal. It's a phenomenal feeling. I know that I can get there by keeping a real careful eye on the calories I take in and keeping my calorie burn high. I am still on Good Measure Meals, they gave me a 2nd month at 50% off. I took another 'after' picture for them so you can see me in their new brochure. So 5 days a week I know I am getting 1200 calories of balanced nutrition. I was planning my meals for Saturday and had a good dose of fiber in the morning, followed by a little bit of fruit and then I planned a salad for lunch so I could get in my 2 - 3 servings of veggies. I wasn't sure what I was going to do for dinner but NEVER thought 'Hmmm, what sounds good for dinner? What do I want?' I immediately thought of what was lacking in my day so far and it was protein. So I looked for some lean protein and found some tilapia that Clay grilled. It's a whole different mind set. It's not about what I feel like eating - that has nothing to do with it. It's what do I need. What does my body need?

I even took the kids to iHop and watched them eat apple crepes and pumpkin pancakes. It all looked really tasty but I drank my hot tea and kept my hands to myself! And look what it got me: 126 lbs.! I haven't seen that number for 2 decades. It's so worth all the hard work.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving and maybe I'll see you at the malls in the wee hours of Friday morning!

WHIRLWIND!

Monday started black as night and it only got a little lighter as the day went on. I planned on working out with Sule who was coming over to shoot some video content for his website but the shoot was canceled by the weather. So I was left to my own devices on a rainy day. Turns out it wasn't a bad thing! I actually gave myself a good strength workout, and even found a spot between rainshowers to walk the giant dog. I was very proud that despite the change in plans and the malaise I was able to give myself a darn good workout.

The next thing that happened was an email about a photo shoot! It sent me into a frantic shopping tizzy as they wanted winter clothes and I have NONE. Plus I didn't even know what size I was and I really had no idea what my style was or if I even had a style!!! Tuesday came and I did my cardio day of walk 2 miles, run 2 miles and do an hour on the bike. I burned about 1100 calories and felt great. And the shopping began. I ran around asking salespeople for help. By the end I'd found a sweater, a tunic and a sweater dress.

Wednesday I worked out at Exhale Spa with Sule - he was taking the class as he's logging in hours to become a trainer there. The spa is in the Loew's Hotel in Midtown and it is beautiful! The class was killer, the teacher Brianna kicked my ass and kept up a high intensity for the hour long workout. After that MORE SHOPPING! I hit Macy's and TJ Maxx and had several weight loss epiphany type moments!

Epiphany #1: I found boots that would zip all the way up my calves!!!! I haven't had tall boots in forever because my calves were just too thick. So there I was with tall boots that zipped (with a bit of coaxing) all the way up! Plus they were super cool so I snapped those right up.

Epiphany #2: I tried on a bazillion pairs of jeans because I didn't know what size I was anymore. I thought 6 petite but, nope, too big AND too short. Who the hell can wear them if they are too short for me???? But I didn't give up, I just kept on grabbing more jeans until I found a pair that wasn't all gappy in the back and was long enough not to turn into capris after one washing. Guess what size they were. GUESS! F-ING SIZE 4!!!!! I was soooooo freaked out! I was a size 4 for about 18 minutes back in 1992. And not again since then. Zoweee.

Epiphany #3 and this is a big one: I have entered the 120's - it has happened. I have reached the promised land! I am, as of this morning, 129 lbs. I have worked so so so hard to get here. I was stuck for so long I don't think I really believed I would break free and lose these last pounds. I have been on 1200 calorie per day Good Measure Meals since October 5th. I have totally ramped up my exercise routine and have been pulling out the stops to make this happen.

That being said, I'm not done. I have 6 lbs. to go to reach my 100 pound goal and earn my purple hair. I'm going to do it. And it's going to happen before Black Friday when I plan to do more shopping and find a biker chick jacket to go with my cool ass new boots. I will see you at Perimeter at 5am. with Starbuck's. I'll be the bitch in the boots.

Nnnrrrrrggggggg!

So I am at 132 lbs. this morning. That means I lost a whopping ONE POUND this past week! Unbelievable as I am literally exercising my ass off! I've been running, walking the dog every day of course, getting on the bike, doing my strength training. I have been hitting it really hard and ONE POUND does not seem to be adequate reward for all the freaking work.

That being said, I know what I am doing will, eventually, register on the scale. So today I walked 2 miles with the giant dog, I ran 1.5 miles (didn't do 2 'cause I ran yesterday and I am uber-conservative about how much stress I put on my heel), then I got on the bike for a full hour. I really don't care what I have to do or what it takes I WILL get this weight off, I WILL reach my goal weight and I WILL have purple hair. It's not happening as fast as I would like but I'm in for the journey and this is part of it.

In anticipation I am cleaning out my closets of clothes that I will never wear again so I can make room for a new wardrobe.

Gimme A TWO! 2! T-W-O!

So I'm at 132.6 lbs. Last week was up a pound, down a pound, just mucking around basically. A bit frustrating but it's part of any weight loss journey. It's not a straight path. I know this. This is not to say I'm not impatient about it. I am so close to my goal and soooo close to seeing that two on the scale. You know the one I'm talking about. The two in the middle. It means I'm back in the 120's and that is going to be stupendous. I haven't been there in DECADES! Seriously, it has been that long. It's going to be an amazing achievement to get back there.

I have been dorking around in the 130's for months. It's really been exhausting and frustrating to get so close and not be able to push past and get to that number on the scale. My body has been so resistant. I am determined because I know what a healthy weight is for me and where I am now is not quite it. Close. But no cigar. It is bizarre to watch my ass get flatter. I never lose weight in my ass and now I have. I'm pretty weirded out to see what I will look like once these last few pounds come off. It's like unwrapping a gift. V e r y s l o w l y. But it's cool and I know I will get there and I am starting to think about buying clothes altho I have no idea what my style is or what to buy.

So, I'm sticking with what I know works. Stick to the Good Measure Meals. Count the calories I'm burning. Keep on with the cardio. Keep moving and keep hydrated. Because I want that two.

Cool.

It's not Friday yet, which is when I weigh, but I haven't lost a lot of weight this week, not as much as I wanted anyway. Plus it was a frustrating afternoon so I was kinda cranky. I was trying to make dinner and work on this craft project for William's class and it all sort of went wrong and I also got really tired of hollering at the kids and micromanaging them to clean up after themselves. But, I just read something that cheered me right up! It's from Livestrong.com. It's a very cool website with all sorts of helpful weight loss and fitness tips. I was wondering what my resting heart rate should be and I went to Livestrong to find out. Here's what they said:

a normal resting range for a healthy adult is between 60 and 100 beats per minute, or bpm. Well-trained athletes at rest may range down to 40 to 60 bpm.


You are supposed to take it after reclining for 30 minutes but I checked it after, oh, 7 minutes because I don't have time to sit around for 30 minutes right now - cranky - remember! My resting heart rate was 50! I'm a freakin' ATHLETE!!! That makes me feel so good. It really validates why and how hard I've been working for the past year and a half. I have worked so hard that I went from slug to athlete. I have never in my life considered myself athletic. That blows my mind. So, back to basics, it's not about the number on the scale. It's the fact that my heart is so strong now that it pumps more blood with a single beat and therefor can pump less often. Being healthy is so important to me and I have made such huge strides from where I was last year. I am so proud of myself and I know I will never turn this clock back. No way.

On Track!

Phew! I knew this would work and I am right on track and so happy about it. In the past two weeks I've lost 8lbs. which is amazing. I am back down to 133lbs. which puts me at 90 lbs lost and just 10 away from my goal. I am right where I want to be and I know that the GMM will keep me on track. All I have to do is keep eating them and keep it together on the weekends when I don't have the meals and then keep up the cardio. I had a great workout the other day hopping on the stationary bike for sprints and then hopping off to do abs, then back on the bike, then off for some heavy bag work. I've heard the high intensity alternating with strength training yields results so I'm mixing it in. And mixing it up. Got to keep that muscle confusion going!

It's challenging to plan these workouts without Sule but I know so many different exercises it's easy to keep mixing them in. I know I'm not doing as good a job as he does at making sure everything gets worked on evenly and keeping a good balance between joint mobility and strength but I'm making an attempt anyway!

I even went out to lunch with Mom and Dad yesterday and it barely affected me. We were at a Mexican restaurant and I didn't have a single chip. It took some willpower but, honey, I know what I want and I know what I need to do to get it. Will chips and salsa and queso get me there? NO NO NO!!! I had a delicious salad with chicken and citrus with the dressing on the side and ate about half of it. Had the rest for dinner. I had a plan of how to cope with going out to lunch and I stuck to it and my reward is to be right where I want to be weight loss wise. One of Sule's sayings that I love is this: Not having a plan is a plan to fail. It's genius and sooooo applicable to this journey.

So go on out to eat or socialize, just have a plan. And if anyone thinks it's sad or wrong that you won't eat any chips, backhand 'em! Oops, I meant, smile, and stick to your guns! You are in control, nothing can make you eat the chips. If it's not helping you get to your goal then don't put it in your mouth!

Yay! It's on and it's coming off!

My goal was to lose 5 lbs. by this morning. Well, I lost 6.2 lbs. instead! YAY! And I am on my way to pick up my Good Measure Meals. I am confident with the meals on my side and a commitment to keep my exercise elevated that I can hit my goal.

And I can REALLY feel those 6 lbs. I lost. I can see it in my THIGHS!!! Wow. I have pretty much had thick thighs since about age 10. There were maybe 15 minutes in the early 90's when they were small but then they burst back to thick. Not that I have stick legs now but I can see they are getting smaller. It's like unwrapping a present. What will I look like after losing the next 5 lbs.? I don't know!

Yesterday I was supposed to do some strength training but it was so gorgeous outside that I went for a 2 mile run instead. I had just 30 minutes before we needed to leave for William's football game and busting out of the house for a run was a great way to use that time. It really gives me a sense of pride when I make those good choices. There are so many opportunities to make those good choices every day and I don't take advantage of every one but it makes me feel good when I do.

This is my first week without training from Sule but I know that I will keep hitting the heavy bag and doing my TWE 12 (check it out on YouTube!) and wicked ab exercises and killer pushups. I will not lose the fabulous muscle tone I've worked so hard for! It's a balance between cardio and strength that will get me to my goal. I will be upping the cardio to max out my weight loss this month which means more running and more hopping on the stationary bike and more sprints up the driveway. Have you seen my driveway - it's steep!

Wow. What a week, what a way to lose.

My goal from last week was to lose 5 lbs. by Monday the 4th. It's only Friday and I have lost just shy of 6 lbs! It started Sunday night with a turkey burger/high fiber wrap combo that did a real number on my innards. But maybe it wasn't just the burger as Clay and William felt a bit funky too. In my case this funk lasted until Thursday. I was just drained and exhausted to the point where I even missed my workout with Sule. Oi! Despite the funk I have managed to get in some good workouts and was on the bike for almost an hour on Tuesday (while watching 'Biggest Loser') and then ran on the Greenway on Wed. Yesterday I just walked the dog but got a good rise in my heart rate when a German Shepard charged us. This led to my neighbor tearing out of his house no doubt to discover why there was a woman screaming at the top of her lungs at the end of his driveway. That's got the be good for burning a few calories!

Today I'm hoping to be more up to speed and get in some additional cardio besides my dogwalk. I do strength training Tu. Th. and Sat. and then up the cardio MWF and try to just walk the dog on Sundays as you are supposed to have at least one light day.

I am really excited about the (almost) 6 lbs. as August and most of September were really disappointing weight loss wise. Now that I've had this rather rapid success I can really see me hitting my goal. I know the tummy funk definitely suppressed my appetite but I'm proud that I was able to keep moving despite it. It makes no sense but whenever I feel sluggish if I get up and walk the dog or hop on the stationary bike it totally makes me feel refreshed. This is totally different from my previous mindset of 'If you feel sluggish just go lay down. Relax, take a load off...' This just perpetuates the sluggishness! The sluggishness WANTS you to lay down. Don't do it. Fight back and get your blood moving. Drive the sluggishness away and burn some calories while you do it!

I have a plan

Clay and I went out to dinner last Sat. to celebrate our anniversary. We went to one of those Brazilian 'land of meat' places. Clay ate so much meat he almost fell asleep at the table. I had a coupla pieces but one of them was chicken. I stayed mostly engaged by the amazing salad bar and reveled in tabbouleh that I didn't make from a box. They brought the dessert cart around and I thought 'Yeah, I am getting dessert! When is the last time I had dessert in a restaurant?' So I ordered two desserts for us to share. Clay was appalled that I was ordering two desserts and thought I had gone mad. So I had a few bites of each and then I was done. Who finished them off? I'll let you fill in the blank.

The dining experience was fine but I got really cranky this week about the scale not moving despite the fact that I have been running again and eating tons of veggies. Cranky led me to eat crap. Not a lot of crap but I had a bunch of chips with my Subway sandwich. Clay brought home cookies and I had two. 2! I just felt, like, to hell with it, it apparently doesn't matter what I eat I'm not getting what I want.... Guess what that thinking got me? How did that attitude pay off? I gained 3 pounds!!!! AAAAAAAaaaaaccckckccck! Yup. I went right up to 141 lbs. Unbelievable.

Yesterday I took hold of myself after that shocking number on the scale and I upped my water and really restricted my calories. Today I am at 138.8. And I have a plan. I signed up for a month of Good Measure Meals. It's costing me $416. I would have spent the $400 on my contract with Sule so it didn't hurt so much in my crazy, justifying mind. Plus everything is included, all I have to provide is water. So I won't be buying any groceries to feed me during the month. It doesn't start until October 4th and I decided before that date I would lose 5 lbs. and get down to 136 (I didn't anticipate losing the 2.2 lbs. overnight). Then when my month of GMM starts I will have 13 lbs. to lose. That should be doable in a month. Once those meals start it is on and I am ramping up my calorie burn and you will find me on the spin bike at 8pm just to get an extra 300 calories burned away. I should be able to fit the fitness in as I won't have the 1 hour drive time plus the 1 hour class with Sule.

This is my plan. I'm sticking to it and I really feel with the restricted calories and truly balanced meals that GMM provides I have a really good chance for success. I'm writing down my weight every day and I'll let you know which way the scale is going. By November I hope to have conquered this hurdle and have lost a whopping total of 100 lbs. Let's do this.

Seismic Shift

I know this. The only constant is change. I'm familiar with that mostly from raising kids. So now I am going to experience some change in my life because my beloved trainer is moving on to a different opportunity. The daytime class that has been my 2 times a week mainstay for the past year is ending at the end of this month. No more Sule! I won't be completely cut off but no more class.

I'm a little nervous. I would be way nervous if he hadn't done such a good job training me so far. His workouts are completely portable and since I've been doing his Martial Fitness workouts for a year and a half I can pretty much give myself a good workout on my own. But he's been doing this for over two decades and really knows what he's doing. The flow of his workouts and the way he works pretty much everything in those 2 classes per week is what I will miss A LOT! And the fact that every workout is different is totally what kept it fresh and fun and not at all a chore to fit into my schedule.

The thing is I've been on a plateau for about 4 months. I've started running again and have been cutting out a lot of the processed foods I eat. And the scale is not showing these things at all. So I'm considering getting a month of Good Measure Meals. It's a financial commitment but I won't be paying on my contract with Sule so I feel it's kind of a trade off. Yup, I'm justifying and I know it. Justifying is a skill, people. And I've got it down! I could charge money to justify other people stuff!

I haven't pulled the trigger but I feel like the meals with their 1200 calories per day and all the fiber you can stand would really jump start me off this plateau. It worked before and I think it can work again. Or somebody needs to just suck the fat outta my thighs and be done with it. I am eager to hit my goal and what I'm doing is not really getting me there. Or at least not at a pace that I can deal with or even recognize.

No weigh.

I've effectively boycotted my scale for the past few days. But I am feeling smaller and have had so many 'Miss Skinny' comments it's amazing. So all the moving I've been doing is way worth it. I feel my stomach getting flatter although it is still sagging like wet cheesecloth tossed on the wall. Did that gross you out? My stomach is grosser and I have to look at it every day. And whilst trying on the tiny blouse at Macy's the other day Mara commented that my boobs are flat. Thanks! I told her it was her fault with all the nursing she did. Even though it's saggy I'm happy for the lessening of my stomach. Next, I am very interested in my thighs becoming less well acquainted. In fact, I'd like them quite separate, thank you. Yes, they should become quite distant. I really think the running will help with that.

I am so grateful to be running again. I have even gone a couple of days with no brace on my foot! I think this is going to be really key to conquering the rest of this weight. It's just such an amazing fat burning exercise and really lengthens your leg muscles. At 5'1" I can use all the lengthening I can get!!!

I don't know what exactly possessed me but I started pulling REALLY OLD clothes out of a closet and trying them on. These are clothes from the early 90s. There's a navy blue power suit with shoulder pads and everything! There was this Chinese looking dress that I had back in college and it's slit up to my ass. Guess what. I tried it on and it freaking fits!!! Whaaaaaa hooooooo!!! Can't believe it. I even squeezed into some size 5/6 Sasson jeans with a super high waist. Oooh la la. It was a comical trip down memory lane. Back to a time when I was skinty. I am glad to be back no matter what the scale says. The tiny clothes tell me I'm doing good!

Size TWO Bitches!

This week wasn't terrific weight loss wise. I worked my ass off all week and tried to eat mostly unprocessed food, ie. fruit and veggies. Lots of fruit and veggies! And I ran on Monday and Friday in addition to my regualr workouts and I was expecting big loss. What did the scale say on Friday morning? What? Guess! 138! I'm not kidding. I now know that it's a combination of the eggplant dish I made on Thursday night which was good but too full of sodium. By today I am majorly bloaty along with a little (men, please avert your eyes or just start rolling them now!) crampy and tired. So yeah, it's that time of the month so not the time to be looking for lower numbers on the scale. Not gonna happen.

Despite all this I went to the mall. I finally got my paycheck last week and needed a tiny bit of retail therapy. I was rewarded with tons of stuff on clearance at Macy's. Despite my bloaty crampy I haven't eaten and might just vomit now self I found an adorable blouse and it looks awesome on and IT'S A FREAKIN' SIZE 2!!!! As if that's not cool enough it also cost me only $4.25 because it was so on sale and I had $14 left on a gift card! That's like having Darth Vader ask me to the Senior Prom!!! What? Yeah, I just said that. And I mean the creepy breathing Vader too, not the conflicted angsty one.

So I am not being ruled by the scale. I know I am on the right track and I am motivated to get these last pounds off altho I've been jackin' around with the same weight for months! I am totally finding motivation in the ridiculously tiny number on the label on my new blouse. I will display said blouse when I go to dinner with my husband for our anniversary. You will see the smallness.

TWO MILES!

Waaaaahooooo! I just ran 2 miles! Yes, I did say RAN! I am Running Girl! I am so happy! Let me tell you how freaking weird it is to run for 15 minutes and not want to die and lay down on some stranger's lawn. An then I ran for another 10 minutes! What? I actually thought 'Hey, um, shouldn't I be really tired now and want to stop? Shouldn't I be trying to talk myself into not stopping right about now? Why am I not trying to stop? Where is the convincing and the battle with the evil little voice that tells me I've already done enough?' How confusing! But I guess I've been exercising so consistently that I've acclimated somehow. All the time on the bike is paying off. Because I can go balls to the wall on the bike and it still doesn't feel as hard as running to me.

Thank you heel! Thank you brace for my heel and my having the discipline to ice it at night. It's all working and I feel so encouraged. I am employing the 'sweat and veggies' tactic to get the rest of this weight off. I do have cereal for breakfast because if I start out with a lot of fiber I am way less hungry later. Then salad, fruit, V-8 and nuts. Maybe some lean meat for protein 'cause I beat the hell out of my heavy bag yesterday! Wheeee - lookout remaining jiggliness - your days are numbered!

Frowny Face with Angry Eyebrows

I wrote that out because I am morally opposed to making 'emoticons' with 'punctuation'. I am not judging those who indulge but I just ain't going there. Anyway, I grew a pair and got on the scale yesterday. Guess what it said. Go on, guess. Yup 138. I shit you not! I didn't freak and get discouraged though. I just sighed and resigned myself to doing what ever it takes to get as far away from that number as I can as quickly as possible. So yesterday I got on the bike in the afternoon despite how freaking tired I was. It's got to happen. Plus a lot of salads have been eaten this week.

Today, though, we went to Dragon Con and walked a bit but not at all the fast 2 miles I usually do. I was gonna just have a light day today but someone pissed me off at dinner. I won't name names but he's older than me and I live with him. . . . I left a little space for you to figure it out. Anyway I took my pissed offedness and took the dog for our regular 2 mile walk in the neighborhood. But I was still pissed so I went out again and did a 1.5 mile run. Did you see what I said??? Run! Yes, I ran. I haven't run for months due to my mysterious heel injury. It's been feeling good lately and I've been wearing my brace and icing it at night so I thought I'd take some tentative steps. Baby running steps. Dahling it was mahvelous!!! Now I know I can get this weight off. If I can run it can be done. The bike is great but running just really jump starts my metabolism like nothing else. So I'm icing my heel right now as I type and I'll just take it easy tomorrow and walk and bike. But then on Monday.... maybe a little more running if it feels ok. Very exciting! And what a good way to let go of my pissyness.

So TAKE THAT 138. You're history! I will not tolerate you hanging around anymore! I mean it, we're done. I never want to see you again and I am willing to eat as many salads as are necessary to ensure your complete and utter banishment from my life. I have nothing more to say to you.

I smell bad

Oh, man. My arms are useless. As is most of the rest of me. Luckily my kids are amusing themselves. I'm surprised I can type! What a workout with Coach Sule today. We did so much but for mostly 1 minute reps that it really felt like an hour and a half worth or workout. I remember looking up thinking it MUST be time to stretch and being shocked that class was only 1/2 over! We mixed aerobic and strength back and forth and boy, oh boy did it work me. Why am I going on and on about this workout? Because it taught me that I can still really push myself. I guess I'd gotten a little complacent and while working diligently on form I hadn't really had the opportunity to go balls to the wall and really get beat up. And ya know, I like it!

I have been a good girl this week and been walking the dog every day and getting on the stationary bike on my non- Sule workout days but I haven't really had it out with my heavy bag recently. Heavy bag, I miss you! I will see you Saturday even though my Girl Fight Club girls won't be around. My heel is feeling a lot better and I think it can take some heavy bag fun. I'm not going to try to run yet but I think that may come.... So git up and git moving!!! Your body can keep going waaaaaay after your brain has told you (or even begged and pleaded with you) to stop. And it feels really good to break through that barrier. So find your shaky place - you know, where your muscles start to rebel at what you are asking and they start shaking and getting all wobbly. Don't hurt yourself but get some shakiness going. Your muscles will thank you.

Now, I think I may go take a bath and soak out some of this lactic acid and get the stink off me. That's some multitasking I can get into!

Chicken Sh@%

Ok, confession: I haven't gotten on the scale in a couple of weeks. I am working hard, watching what I eat, eating fruits, veggies and nuts first before any processed foods, getting the dog walked, getting on the bike regularly. So I know I have probably lost a bit but I feel like I've been fighting these same 5 lbs. for MONTHS. I am sick of those numbers. I never want to see 138 on the scale again. Don't get me wrong - that's a far cry from 158, 188 or 208. I will never see those numbers again, ever. But I have been loitering, wandering and malingering in the 130's forever. I think it's my own personal weight loss Purgatory. I am Sisyphus and 138 is my big ol' rock. I keep pushing it away and it keeps freaking rolling over me. So in order to not see those numbers I have been avoiding the scale. I don't want to get demoralized by those numbers so I am trying to lose the weight and then get on the scale so I don't have to deal with it. How is that for coping? Well, it's better than just giving up. And I wish I knew why my body is so comfortable at this weight.

The other issue plaguing me a bit is my right heel. It's being crappy and I wish my heel would just heal already! I don't know what the issue is but it hurts, and then it really hurts when I run. So I've had to stop running. I replaced running with the spin bike but I gotta tell ya, nothing melts my ass like running so I'm quite peevish that it's been taken off the menu. I have been off my foot and wearing a brace and icing it at night. And....it is (feeling better), she said as cautiously and optimistically as possible while not jinxing it.

So maybe I will cowboy up and get on the scale in the morning. Or, maybe I"ll wait until next week hoping for some really good numbers. It's like scale lottery! I'll let you know when I grow a pair and face the numbers.

Paradigm Shift

Ah, yes. Now I get it. It's a lesson I keep learning and every day I get another chance to get it right. Also, another chance to screw it up, but I'm not focusing on that! It's a lesson about food. And there's SO MUCH information about what to eat, when to eat, and how to eat it that is overwhelming and often conflicting. But when you boil it down, it gets very simple. Burn more calories than you consume. Eat what your body needs. Let me repeat that.

Eat for fuel. Simple. Don't eat when you feel like it, don't eat when you're hungry, don't eat because others are, don't eat because you happen to be in the kitchen!

See? Simple. I did not say easy!! But as soon as I got back in weight loss mode where I was paying attention to what I eat I recognized the different mindset toward food. I started posing different questions that were very telling. Instead of walking into the kitchen and wondering 'What is there to eat?'. I would go in the kitchen only when it had been 2 1/2 or 3 hours since I'd last eaten. I would wonder 'What does my body need now?' If I just exercised the answer was water and protein. Pretty much any other time I made sure to ask 'Have I had my 5 servings of fruit and veggies yet?' If the answer was no then that's what I would head for first.

It's a consciousness that was missing for the last two or three weeks. I don't intend to let it get too far away from me again. I can't let eating be recreational or social or unconscious again. EVER. Therein lies the path to a giant ass, my friend. Yes, it's true, you'll get your boobs back too but I'd rather buy a padded bra!

Sometimes you just have to tell your diet to suck it!

So, I gained back that 5 pounds and then have just sort of stayed here for two weeks. I'm not too sure why but I haven't had that same 'eye of the tiger' go get 'em attitude about working out and watching everything I eat. I haven't been gorging or falling off the wagon, just haven't been in what I call 'weight loss mode'. It's a different mode than just everyday living. It's intense and takes a lot of attention. So I haven't been giving it it's due. I've just been existing. Which has been nice, I must say. I think I needed a break from the intensity.

But now I looked in the mirror and can see my butt is bigger! That's not ok! So I am ready to resume and see this project to the conclusion. I read a quote from Valerie Bertinelli that said she's giving herself a 5 pound window but there's a 'stake in the ground at 132 lbs.' I like that idea. It seems like there's security in having a number where the alarms go off and you can say "Stop! No farther!" and get all Berlin Wall with it. Otherwise, it's too easy to fall back and start to slip slidin' and next thing you know you are wearing elastic pants! It's kinda funny because now all I wear is elastic waisted things because I keep shrinking out of my clothes so the elastic helps them last longer.

Yup, I'm getting back to it. I can prove it by the fact that even though I slept rotten last night and am backachy today I got on the bike for 40 minutes and did some abs too. After that I made sure to stretch and shower and I feel much better now. I'd have to say I feel almost human! I think that's a pattern. If I feel sluggish or blah I just always feel better after yanking myself up and getting moving. I dare you to give it a try next time yo have the blahs.

Look out Tomorrow! I have you in my sights: there are calories to burn, large dogs to walk, a heavy bag to be punched, V-8 to be drunk and my ass to be kicked. IT'S ON.

Derailed, dejected and even a little bit depressed, but still determined.

So, ya know how I lost that last 5 lbs. and how I said it was a REALLY hard 5 lbs. to lose and how I had to just go ballistic and up my workouts and get crazy? Yeah, well, I just gained it all back. Yup. 5 lbs. gained back. That 5 lbs. Every. Freakin. Ounce.

Sigh. All it took was family visiting and my routine being thrown off and the eating out and eating in general that comes with visitors and throw in some stress and not enough working out and there you have it. 5 lbs. Oh poop. So I am not at all happy about it but happy that I was brave enough to get on the scale this morning and see what damage I'd done. That took some courage but it was totally like ripping off the band-aid. Just do it! Just get your ass on that scale and face the music. In this case the music was a big waaaaa waaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. But it's over and done and I know that I can get back on track.

How do I know? What makes me certain? What keeps me moving forward toward my 100 lb. weight loss and the purple hair that will follow? I finally figured out that this is my lifestyle. It took months but then I realized that I don't work out because it's fun or I enjoy it, although it is and I do. I work out because I want to age well. I am defying gravity! I am defying joint deterioration and surgeries! I am defying canes, walkers and wheelchairs! I am defying the inevitable slowing of the brain as the body slows down. I want to know that I am doing everything I can think of to help myself keep my health and my faculties. I want to be the crazy grandma wearing shorts and playing tennis with the grandkids. Altho I DON'T WANT GRANDKIDS ANY TIME SOON!!! And I can't play tennis for shit. I stink at tennis, I'm not expecting that to change.

This keeps me going because I have seen the alternative. This is serious. It is actually life and death. No kidding. So I encourage you to rip off your own band-aid and confront reality. I am totally here to hold your hand if you need a buddy. I am in your corner and I have your back because my struggle is your struggle and visa versa. I know we can do this, it is within our grasp. So rip it and let's go.